The fact that Hunter S. Thompson keeps appearing on my Facebook sidebar as of late gives me pause and cause for both confusion and pride. Unfortunately, I feel that neither will quicken my steps in realizing the universal instance of truth nor beauty. On the other hand, I may have very well come to the realization that I need to go back to being a writer rather than gravitating to mere journalism. Like a strange, twisted piece of cereal, the grainy side may be good for me but its the frosted side of literature that makes it most enjoyable. Thompson's apearance does bring up an interesting question, though. Knowing fair and well that the advertising at the side of Facebook's streams and the many twisted caverns of information and inviduals in this 700-million-person behemoth is tuned towards each and every single person individually. Day after day, the vast database of information that we create combined with the data regarding our tendencies, our likes and dislikes, our rants, our raves, or common topics that we concern ourselves with, and a multitude of other qualities of living that we exhibit go into the mega-conglomeration of advertising service and technology.
But what's the best question that I can ask at this point? This intrigues that grasps me by the brain and shakes me as my veritably metaphorical nape wriggles from side to side knows only the boundaries of its own energy source and the border of its own, often unfortunate, attention span. (Damn you, Fluoride!) Dare I ask whether or not I have certain qualities or that I have exhibited qualities as of late similar to the inconoclast, nay iconoplasm, that is and was Hunter S Thompson? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say "No." In fact, I'm pretty sure that Facebook and their advertising buddies have created a fallacous connection between me and Mr. Thompson, flattering as it may be. I will even go as far as to say this is really a bit of an overstatement.
No, not a bit. That's an understatement.
It's a major crevasse that separates the differences between the literary excellence of Thompson's wreckless chaos in search of order and anything I've ever written. But if asking such a question or questions is the lunacy that it appears to be, then what other inferences can I make by this? Now, mind you, this is only introspection, and really only serves for me to question myself. The scripts and code of the Facebok pages know only the things that were written into their many thousands of lines. Each of these things have only a straight-line tendency without the ability to change themselves or deviate from predetermined direction. I, on the other hand, am free and liberated from the constraints of the physical world to follow whim and fancy, to dream of alternatives of gratification and despair alike. So, then, why have I been served offers to engage in some sort of way wth the memory of Mr. Thompson?
Then I refresh the page, and a credit card ad comes up. Is my credit that bad?
Then I refesh again - beach hotels and spas. They clearly don't have a clue about me.
Once more, I refresh. Credit cards again. Damn, my credit must really suck. On the other hand, this time I go ahead and click the link at the top of the advert section labeled "See All". What the hell, right? In the next section, we're going to rate the advertising service and score them accordin to my own scale. No, I will not give any deatils of my scoring system outside of what is obvious. On the other hand, because I'm a pretty transaprent guy on the whole, I will go ahead and tell you this: the system is pretty off-the-cuff. In other words, there's no real system. I'm going on feel, so back off already. Work with me!
1. Stella Artois Beer: The first ad is for a beer by the name of Stella Artois. I have to admit,
I do like Stella Artois. Ok, the adverts get a point.
2. Vicksburg Convention and Visitors Bureau: BORING! Ok, the adverts lose a point.
3. New Orleans Saints T-Shirt Ad: Bringng up third place is some company that wants me to
"relive the Saints superbowl" and buy a T-Shirt. That's the third T-shirt ad today, and the
answer is still no. Another point lost by the advertisement firms.
4. Rockstar Games: Who cares about Max Payne. He was a crappy character, and frankly
who has 300 bucks lying around to go out and buy a game console jus so that they can
buy that game? I sure as shit don't. Ads, you lose another point.
5. "Is Your Heart Healthy?": The answer is likely not. But we knew that already. I have heart
issues, but we knew that already. What are you going to do about it? (I say, I say that's
rhetorical, boy! Nice advertisement, but that company's about as sharp as a sack of
wet mice.) Minus one point for being clueless.
6. Kingdoms of Amalur: I've already invested time and effort with another online game. What
the hell do you game companies want me to do? Play games all day while the world
passes me by? Invent a game that can both pay my rent, pay my insurance, buy me
food, pay my utility bills, and pleasure me once or three times a day and then we will
talk. Otherwise, I should take away three points for your insolence, but we'll stick to
one. Minus one, fanboy.
7. Free Hunter S Thompson Audiobook: Sure, because I have nothing better to do with
my time than sitting a chair and listen to somebody else read a book. Let me guess. It's
the Morgan Freeman editions? Just kidding. As much as I respect Thompson, I have no
desire to listen to his work
being read at this time. One point awarded as that's not a totally stupid idea. Close, but
not totally.
8. Reebok Jersey: Another T-Shirt? I get the feeling they want me to adveritse for them by
buying a T-Shirt with some kind of logo on it. Really? You should pay me for the prvelage
to display your service or product. Minus one point.
9. Sealy Mattress: I like sleeping. In fact, I try to do it at least once a day. Sometimes up to
three times in a single 24-hour period. However, I doubt you sell a cheap mattress in my
size. Plus, I already have a good mattress. I abstain from addressing points on this one.
10. Nokia Phone: Who the hell uses Nokia anymore? FAIL. Minus one point.
11. Chase Sapphirre: I reiterate - Is my credit that bad? If that's the case, then why do I
want a way to get deeper in trouble. I can do that without your help, thank you very
much. FAIL. Minus One Point.
12. Capital One Credit Cards: Wherever you find bad credit and low income people with
credit cards, Capital One is generally not far out of sight. Eat me Cap-1. Minus one
point.
Ok, so here's how we tally: 2 points out of a possible 12 points.
Man, you guys suck.
No, wait, you're right. That's not fair. I'm going to chalk it up to my fantastic dedication to minimalizing information of mine given to third-party companies. I'll go ahead and say that this is largely due to my understanding of online security, email systems, web browsers, and crazy things like...oh, I don't know...updates. Maybe it's because I take the time - many hours of time - protecting myelf from the
evils of the Internet. Perhaps it's because I have the uncanny ability to realize the difference between crap and reasonable assumption. Who knows? All I know in the end is that they really don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. But you know what? That also means that somebody is reading my stuff, and since I don't really have a ton of people reading my stuff, it only exemplifies what I'm talking about. On the other hand, I wouldn't be hurt to find some traffic. But it doesn't really matter because I'm going to continue to write anyways.
Here's the types of ads I apparerently attract:
2 Credit Cards
2 Game Companies
2 T-Shirts
1 Mattress
1 Private Organization
1 Phone
1 Health
1 Audiobook
1 Beer
I haven't really decided on wshat that says about me, but...
Now, if I read this right, then, according to the advertisement companies, I am the type of guy who plays video games in my bed while wearing a T-shirt listening to audioboks and drinking beer. They probably figure that somewhere along the way I'll answer the phone and have a heart-attack. I'm really not sure how the Vicksburg organization fits in to all that. whatever the relationship may be, I bet it's bordering on stupid and amazing at the same tme.
And that, sirs and ma'ams, is the meat between the bread in a pointless, insane sandwich called life.I guess if there's anything to be gotten by this dribble is that 1.) you have even less to do than I do at this moment to have read all the way down to this point, 2.) few things can replace good security as there are multiple layers of repercussions for every action that is taken, and 3.) I bear little, of any, resemblance, in any shape, form, or fashion, to Hunter S. Thompson; somebody was smoking crack when they came up with that algorithm.
Until next time...
Enjoy.
Invino Veritas
2/20/12
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