[Marvin and Nergel enjoy a morning breakfast. A robot occasionally
enters the room while they talk to serve them, but then quickly
disappears offstage without a word.The androgynous robot wears
a bizarre servant's outfit with the top half of a traditional butler's
coat and the bottom half of a prototypical french-maid dress.]
Nergal: [Eating, startled by the servant robot] Oh my god! When the
hell are you finally going to decide on whether or not that thing
is a girl or a boy?
Marvin: If I do that then how else wll get the enjoyment of seeing you
curse and howl at breakfast time? By the way, try the kipper.
Ashley [Points at the robot with his knife] is a fantastic chef.
Nergel: I see you've already decided.
Marvin: What do you mean?
Nergel: Forgive me, Master, but Ashley is a girl's name.
Marvin: Pardon me, but Ashley can be either a boy's or girl's name.
Nergel: Perhaps you might consider providing it with either a dress or a
proper suit.
Marvin: Oh, I don't know. It seems kind of...approriate - not just to
the robot thing but to the whole being a mad scientist thing.
Nergel: [Under his breath] Well, they won't ever mistake you for
being sane, that's for sure.
Marvin: Hmm?
Nergel: [Shoving some food in his mouth and shaking his head as
he points to his mouth, and then smiles while he chews
and rubs his belly.]
Marvin: See? I told you! That kipper is divine.
Nergel: [Swallowing loudly] Delicious!
[There is a momentary lull in the conversation before
Marvin begins.]
Marvin: [Checking items off a list with a pencil.] Steel couplings,
check! Uranium Power Generator, check! Uranium, check!
Heavenly substance...umm hmm. [Contemplating, confused]
Nergel, do we have any heavenly anything down in the the
lab?
Nergel: You mean besides the slice of heaven I buttered my toast with
this morning? [Marvin smirks] I'll have to check. Be right back.
[Exit Nergel]
[Marvin looks over his designs as the doorbell rings. Marvin
exits the stage to answer the door. Shortly thereafter, muffled
conversation can be heard as Marvin returns to the dining room
table with Dr. Kimmel of the North American Guild of
Unconventional Scientists.]
Marvin: I can't begin to tell you what a marvelous surprise it is to see you,
as always, Doctor. Tell me, what brings you to Carouge?
Kimmel: Mostly guild business, I'm afraid, though a little site seeing isn't
completely out of the question, Doctor.
Marvin: Oh? Am I on the list of site seeing or business?
Kimmel: Business, I'm afraid.
Marvin: Oh, well, please have a seat. Ashley! Tea!
[There's a pause before the robot enters with a tray and two
cups of steaming tea. Ashley serves them both and then
exits back from where it came.]
Kimmel: [Raises an eyebrow at the robot and its garb.]
Marvin, what is that?
Marvin: I thought you might like some tea.
Kimmel: No, Marvin, the robot.
Marvin: Oh, that's Ashley.
Kimmel: [Frustrated] Marvin...I hope this isn't the sort of thing with which
you hope to represent the guild this quarter.
Marvin: Oh, heavens no, Eldrich! Ashley is purely for domestic use only.
Kimmel: [Relieved] In that case, I will refrain from further questions about
all of that business. Actually, the guild has quite another concern,
Marvin. Word has it that you have a new project brewing in your
laboratory. The guild is concerned that this...death ray is it?
Marvin: Yes, but how....?
Kimmel: Yes, this death ray may be a bit of an outdated idea. Gone are the
days of taking over the world or cyclopean atomic robots with
laser eyes, Marvin. The guild is more concerned with innovation
rather than imitation.
Marvin: What do you mean? This death ray is going to be the death ray to
end all death rays!
Kimmel: But of course, Marvin. They all are.
Marvin: At the very least, hear me out!
Kimmel: Very well, Marvin. But please don't expect too much out of me.
Marvin: Ok, certainly we've all heard about death rays, shrink rays, cosmic
rays and, yes, even heat rays. But when was the last time you heard
of...are you ready for it? The heavenly death ray!
Kimmel: [Blankly at first, then confused.] A heavenly death ray? You do
do realize that doesn't make any sense, right?
Marvin: Why do people keep saying that?
Kimmel: Marvin, go ahead and make your "heavenly" death ray. Have a
fantastic time as a tired old genre of scientist. But, please, for
your sake, for the guild's sake, I urge you to rethink your decision
about this death ray.
Marvin: I can't believe what you're saying to me!
Kimmel: Marvin, don't take it so hard.
Marvin: Don't take it so hard? Don't take it so hard? You bear the message
of misfortune, stomping on my dreams, and all you have to say is
'don't take it so hard'?
Kimmel: Now, calm down, Marvin.
Marvin: Don't ask me to calm down you...you charlatan! You fraud!
[Mockingly] Unconventional scientists, indeed! Let me tell you
something, Doctor Kimmel: there is nothing unconventional about
doing what everyone else is doing! And I sure as hell wouldn't have
become a scientist, much less a mad scientist, if all I wanted to
do was become an asterisk in a forgotten high school science book.
I, for one, am not afraid to dream! So, get out of here, Doctor
Kimmel. And take your presumptive pomp with you!
Kimmel: Well, I...
Marvin: [Standing up] You what? Ashley! Show Doctor Kimmel the door!
Good day to you, sir!
[Ashely enters the room and directs Doctor Kimmel offstage]
Kimmel: Of course, you realize....
Marvin: I said good day, sir!
[Exit Kimmel]
[Enter Nergel]
Nergel: Master? Are you allright? I heard the noise....
Marvin: [Sarcastically and curt] Splendid! Dr. Kimmel was just visiting.
Nergel: Dr. Kimmel? From the guild?
Marvin: The very one, Nergel. I don't think we'll be getting any more mail
from that guild. Moreover, I don't think we'll be getting anymore of
the guild's funding. By the way, did you happen to find anything
marked heavenly?
Nergel: No, Master, I'm sorry.
Marvin: Ahh, no matter.
Nergel: Maybe your brother..hey, wait! Your brother's key!
Marvin: What about it?
Nergel: Perhaps, this is fate telling you to find what that key unlocks.
Marvin: [Enlightenened] Nergel! My god, man, you're right!
Nergel: Of course I am, Master. But first you should wire your brother and
verify his intentions?
Marvin: Quite right, Nergel! Quite Right! Ready my carriage! We're going to
to make a phone call!
Nergel: Right away, Master.
[Exit Nergel]
[Fade to Black]
[End Scene II]
Invino Veritas
10/22/12
EOF
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