Submitted for your approval, One Captain James T. Kirk and one Montgomery "Scotty" Scott,
two members of an administrative body - Captain and chief Engineer - of the Hoober-Bloob
Highway. For many years prior, they traveled the cosmos in search of new life, new worlds,
and new friends. Retiring from the service, they now send the soon-to-be residents
of the world below to their destinations, a journey that will no doubt send they, themselves,
into the WTF?! Zone....
[The Captain and Scotty are at the engine room of the Hoober-Bloob Highway]
Capt. Kirk: Scotty! What's going on down here? There's not enough babies on the highway!
Scotty: I'm doing all I can, Captain! But Lil' Angus here has chewed through the dilithium
crystals, and we're losing power fast!
Capt. Kirk: How much time do we have, man?!
Scotty: Well, if I can just reverse the polarity of the spectrograph to create a temporal flux in
existing field...I...might just be able to.....Got it! That should give us six more hours,
Captain!
Capt. Kirk: Scotty! You're a genius! Stay here and fix the baby engine, We've got to figure out
how to get more thrust! I'm going to go celebrate and step up the production of
green and purple babies in sector twelve and sixteen!
Scotty: Aye, aye, Captain!
[Several hours later]
Capt. Kirk: Scotty, report.
Scotty: Lil' Angus has transformed into a yellow monkey with green stripes, Captain! I'm
afraid the dilithium crystals have given him a case of the jaundice! What do you
want me to do, Captain?! Should I thrust him to a Romulan monkey family or a
human family?
Capt. Kirk: So it's a question of thrust once again, is it? Fine! Have it your way,
you damn dirty....
Scotty: Captain?!
Capt. Kirk: Right, Scotty! I think I have an idea! [Activates his communicator] Spock, do you
hear me?
Dr. Spock: Captain?
Capt. Kirk: Spock, I need you to find me the location of a Scottish Monkey.
Dr. Spock: Captain?
Capt. Kirk: A Scottish Monkey, Spock. A simian animal of Earth with both dialect and
behavior inherant of a region of Earth known as Scotland. Do you think you
could do that for me? Could you, Spock?
Dr. Spock: Well,....no, actually. Captain, I'm afraid that is illogical.
Capt. Kirk: Damnit, Spock! You know what? Damn your logic! Just find me a damn Scottish
Monkey family that wants kids!
Dr. Spock: .Jim....
Capt. Kirk: Spock! Over! [Deactivates his communicator]
Scotty: Captain, you're tlaking nonsense! You can't find Scottish monkeys; they don't exist!
Capt. Kirk: Scotty, nothing is going to get in my way of making babies and launching them
down the Hoober-Bloob Highway! That may be the way that Vulcans, or Romulans,
or even Klingons run their Hoober-Bloob Highways, but it is the stubornness of the
human spirit that is going to run this one. And if you want to stand in front of that,
then you go right ahead. But don't crawl back to me when I'm banging all the sweet
green tail and you got nothing!
Scotty: Captain! That doesn't even make sense....
Capt. Kirk: Just get in there and find that little Scottish monkey a home, and let's get back to
business! Do it for Scottish monkeys everywhere! Do it for me! Do it for truth and
justice, and most of all, because it's the most super smurfy thing to do!
Scotty: [Staring in disbelief, speechless] ...
Capt. Kirk: [Activating his communicator] Number Two, this is the Captain speaking. Start
launching those babies; those little Johnnies and Janes are going home! Full Speed
ahead! And get me a martini. And some Perry Como...on vinyl.
Scotty: Oooh, I love Perry Como!
Capt. Kirk: It's not for you, but, yeah, he's cool.....
[End of Scene]
[Fade to Black]
Invino Veritas
6/22/11
DISCLAIMER:
Star Trek and/or its characters are not owned by me, but rather someone else.
If you got this far, then you can find their respective owners by youself using any
nearly any recognized search engine. Each of these things are used without
permission with regards to 'fair use'.
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